I’ve been wallowing in self-pity for a couple of weeks now.   I’ve been sad one minute, angry the other.  I’ve been scaring my husband with my sudden changes in moods.  I had to force myself to find some positivity again.  As I’ve posted my very somber posts lately, I’ve gotten emails, comments on my blog and phone calls.  Many have offered to have lunch or dinner with me or just to hang out and talk.  Love in the most honest form.

So, that’s what I’ve been doing  – crying, laughing, and retelling my story of love and loss.   I’ve gotten so much support from people who were strangers just a few months ago.  Then it hit me.. I do have something to be glad about.  Through my experience of my daughter Riley’s passing and subsequent months of grief, I’ve gained many new friends.  My circle of friendship is full for the first time in my life. Best of all, my new friends can handle my roller coaster of emotions.  They can handle it when I grow sarcastic and dark.  They can handle it when I’m feeling insane and depressed in one jumbled mess.

This is the gift that Riley left me.  Because of her, I now have a fabulous support system whether they are close by or miles away on the other side of the country.  For that, I’m truly grateful.  I have to grab the love they give me and run with it.  Because I know that Riley would not want to see me this sad.  She would want me to live and live it loud.  So, I’m scraping myself off of the floor and trying my best to see the light again.  Part of me would like to remain indefinitely on the floor and not try.  But I’m going to do this for my daughter Riley.

Here I am in Day 1 of trying to feel better again. 

I’m feeling better because I’m receiving so much love from mothers who have lost their own child but are willing to give of themselves and through their own grief.  Thank you so much to those of you who’ve reached out to me.